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geek_dragon

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TMI

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Ok, so I have pretty cranky lately... and the horrible truth is I'm *blush* horny, which makes me depressed and cranky.
My sex life is pretty fucked up.  I have no confidence in my body, no confidence in my ability to recieve pleasure.  As a result, I loathe the thought of sex, and feel like it's a huge chore rather than something I want to do.  Heck, it just feels like I'm supposed to do it, because that's what "normal people" do, and I REALLY want to be "normal" whatever that is.
Andrew is pretty good on the no pressure, so we never have sex.  I have single friends who somehow have more sex than me... and they aren't dating anyone! o_0  -_-;;;
Still there is some tension between us.  He's very horny.  He feels like he sucks in bed.  I have a huge complex, feeling angry because I feel like I don't get anything out of it, and guilty because I'm not putting out.

Part of it is that I'm sort of tired all the time.  So if I'm on the bed, well I fall asleep.  I'm just that sleepy.. always.  I slept 13 hours last night.  And I know if I went in to cudle andrew I would probably conk out for another hour.
The other part is that I get bored.  I start thinking about my homework, or cooking, or the books I'm reading.  I try the whole penis mantra, but I just get angry because I don't think I should have to work so hard at something I don't relly want but my body decides it needs.

I hate sex
I hate sleep
I hate food

[end rant]

  • Hmm, I wish I could offer some useful advice. I guess I used to feel a lot like you do now. Being tired and stressed doesn't lend well to having enjoyable sexual experiences, unfortunately.

    A couple of thoughts: you don't *have* to have sex in bed, do you? Could he bend you over the bathroom vanity or could you do some heavy petting on the couch in the living room?

    I know this is really personal, but do you masturbate? If not, experimentation will greatly improve your knowledge of what you like and what gets you off and allow you to communicate that to your partner. Also TMI; it took me a very long time to understand the importance and role of my clitoris in orgasms. Likewise, I did not, for a very long time, understand how well proper nipple stimulation could increase my enjoyment of sex. (When the nipples are stimulated, oxytocin is released.)

    Why do you suppose you get bored? Is it because he really doesn't know what he's doing? And could that be because you don't know what you want and therefore can't communicate your needs to him? What do you think would make you more responsive and focused on the sex act?

    (These are mostly questions for you to ask yourself, but I'm more than happy to discuss them with you also.)

    What's the penis mantra? :)
  • Sounds like a vicious cycle. You can't have good sex if you don't have any confidence. Please don't count my misadventures a few months ago as something to be jealous of. I didn't get any pleasure or self-confidence from them, and I'm lucky that I didn't get anything else either. Basically I just felt like a manwhore. I'm planning to be celebate for quite a while from now on.
  • graphic, i know.

    Dear me, it sounds like you have gotten yourself into quite a pickle.
    Let's see at your message here.
    ~You are uncomfortable with your body.
    ~You don't like having sex
    ~You get tired very easily
    ~Your boyfriend thinks he is not good at it
    ~You get bored during sex

    What i think you should do is start an exercise program. Running in the mornings, stretches (more on that in a bit), some light weightlifting. What that will do is improve your view on your body, get you in better shape, and also improve your stamina. Drink a lot more water, 10 glasses a day. At first you will pee like crazy. Then your body will get used to it. Eat super healthy foods (i think you already do, judging by that soup the other day).

    I think you don't like having sex because you are uncomfortable with yourself and with your boyfriend's uncomfortablity with sex. I don't think you are the type of person to walk into the living room naked and start seductively dancing infront of him when he is watching star trek, but it might help. If he would still say those awful things, find out who his fave character is and half dress up as them while doing your sexy dance.

    if/when you are next having sex, say sexy things to him. when he does something you like, say so. tell him things like you like how hard he is, or his penis is really hot and turns you on. If he's a great kisser, tell him you love it when he kisses you, especially when he kisses *fave bodypart here*.

    If you haven't already, i think it would be very benificial if you two sat down and had a nice long talk about sex. what turns you one, what turns him on. It's very important for two people who are together to know what their partner's fantasies are and what they are willing to do. Talk about your insecurities too. If he does think he is bad at sex it would help to know. You can encourage him (as i've said) and it might make him feel better knowing you have insecurities too.

    Once you've covered that, you will probably not be bored during sex anymore. If you are acting out your fantasies with the one you love, and you are in good shape and can flex many ways (thus the stretching!) so you can actually try most things, and find some stuff you both really enjoy. Also, spice it up! Sex =/= Bedroom. You have an entire apartment for just the two of you. And sex in the shower cleans you up right away too!

    We need to have coffee.
    • Re: graphic, i know.

      great stuff in there, don't forget the stress reduction, women and stress=no sexual pleasure. Sleep and relax time and giving yourself space and time to do fun things and not feel guilty about spending every waking moment on work/school ;)
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