I remember the buddist teaching of how one is supposed to love everyone equally as a kindred. That one's love, friend, mother, enemy, or self should be held in equal regard.
At first it seems outrageous: one's enemy is defined as that which would harm you, while your kin are those who would support you. Why on earth would you regard your enemy with the same affection as your kin??
But think of a heart tearing situation. Chest pounding from the intense emotion, perhaps it manifests as a headache. Anguish, confusion, hatred, clouding your mind. The hatred for your enemy clouds your thoughts, perhaps amplifying the situation, perhaps blinding you from their own suffering, or perhaps just causing feelings of stress, stress not being all that great for your own body. If you see them as a brother, you can see them as a suffering being, and offer compassion... but still call them on their own bull$%it. After all... you are just as important as them, and on a satirycal note, isn't it doing them a favour to let them know their behaviour isn't socially acceptable?
It goes the same way for loved ones. One may feel a great debt from the affection recieved, and that in turn lets one's own mind back themselves into a corner, offering more than they want to or are even able to give, out of a duty of affection. The want to provide and give is as equally clouding to judgement as hatred.
Thus, I ponder, if one were to attain this feeling of equamity, if love would seem to exist. If no person were especially special in one's life, but everyone was percieved as cherished and beloved? Since love is prevalent, and like background noise, there wouldn't be a point in "following one's heart", since it would lead everywhere, and be everywhere. Rather, the focus would be on choosing one's life's lessons. What to learn, what to see... But then from the outside, everything would be shallow, since the focus is not on love, but on one's self. Wouldn't one feel heartless, giving up sacrifice? One's self would be just as important as one's loved one, so there wouldn't be any melodramatic sufferings as shows of affection that are approved or even possibly required by our society.
Feeling heartless... because I love so much, yet do not want it to sway me.
Ok you guys caught me, it's not purely intellectual...it's how i've been feeling lately.