geek_dragon (geek_dragon) wrote,

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Ok, so I have pretty cranky lately... and the horrible truth is I'm *blush* horny, which makes me depressed and cranky.
My sex life is pretty fucked up.  I have no confidence in my body, no confidence in my ability to recieve pleasure.  As a result, I loathe the thought of sex, and feel like it's a huge chore rather than something I want to do.  Heck, it just feels like I'm supposed to do it, because that's what "normal people" do, and I REALLY want to be "normal" whatever that is.
Andrew is pretty good on the no pressure, so we never have sex.  I have single friends who somehow have more sex than me... and they aren't dating anyone! o_0  -_-;;;
Still there is some tension between us.  He's very horny.  He feels like he sucks in bed.  I have a huge complex, feeling angry because I feel like I don't get anything out of it, and guilty because I'm not putting out.

Part of it is that I'm sort of tired all the time.  So if I'm on the bed, well I fall asleep.  I'm just that sleepy.. always.  I slept 13 hours last night.  And I know if I went in to cudle andrew I would probably conk out for another hour.
The other part is that I get bored.  I start thinking about my homework, or cooking, or the books I'm reading.  I try the whole penis mantra, but I just get angry because I don't think I should have to work so hard at something I don't relly want but my body decides it needs.

I hate sex
I hate sleep
I hate food

[end rant]


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