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geek_dragon

Like a Koan

Like a Koan

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Haiku like petal dropping, look softly into the jagged brevity
Profound?
Trite?
In the t-shirt mirror I see me.
I guess I would wear that shirt.

 

  • hmmm...
    Can't quite put my finger on it...

    Maybe 'looking softly into jagged brevity' or 'looking softly in the jagged brevity' would work better - although your way does have the benefit of mimicking the shirt's disjointed phraseology.

    "t-shirt mirror" - very nice
    • Look softly into the jagged brevity = look at the picture, it has a brief poorly worded phrase ^_-

      Good to have some honest critique though, thanks. :)
      • Yeah, I flatter myself that I caught the significance - what I was commenting on was the fact that I didn't think that line 'flowed' as well as it could. But that's just my internal editor/ perfectionist talking, all in all, I thought it was good.
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